So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
