Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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