Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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