Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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