i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
