This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
