just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
