I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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