Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
