So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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