I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
