shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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