My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
