and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
