He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
