apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
