3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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