So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
