I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
