He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
