I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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