Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
