Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Your penis caused this!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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