He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
