Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
