I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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