I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
