so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
