I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
