Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
