hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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