i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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