I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
