this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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