using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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