he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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