i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
