She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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