Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
