He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
