i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
