She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
