Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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