the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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