why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
