I don't think brook has ever known best
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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