Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
