I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just puked most of my soul out..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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