someone threw a dead crab at me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
