Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
