My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
