I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
