My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
