Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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