Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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