Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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