So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
