I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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