I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
