why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
