There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
