if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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