I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
