i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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