well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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