Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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