wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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