We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This show inspires me to have sex in space
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
