But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)