the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
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saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
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i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.