There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize