He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.