omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!