you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
