I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
