your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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